Stress...and relief?

Well this has been my first day in 3 years without smoking, and so far I haven't flipped out or planned the murder of any high ranking government officials...yet. Turning down my friends offers were at once both humorous (to me and them both) and a tiny bit sad, since it meant missing out on the fellowship and conversation enjoyed in such groups. But I am doing it for good reasons, and it is only a temporary hiatus.

After getting home from work, was freaked out by the absence of one of my cats when I went to feed them. Especially since he's the giant baby of my three kiddie kitties, a 20 pound golden tabby named Apollo. I strode back and forth through the house and around the yard, becoming increasingly anxious each circuit as my calls and beckons went unanswered. Since I moved into the house from my old apartment, Apollo has been the one cat not eager to explore and prowl about outside, the presence of the neighborhood cats upsetting his sense of position and territory. So I was very concerned when I couldn't find him anywhere.

I'm such a soft-hearted wuss when it comes to my "children", and after a half-hour calling him, grief and fear overtook me for a spell. I sobbed in my bedroom, pleading with the Universe to not have me lose my favorite son (Shhh, don't let the others know!). Sad and forlorn, I was prey to all kinds of awful thoughts as to what might have happened to him.

Thankfully, I remembered a refuge where one of my other cats had taken sanctuary when I had first got here. This old behemoth of a house has a break in the foundation which leads under the house, a little cavern for feline spelunkers. As I peered anxiously inside, drying my eyes, I saw a timid little face peering back. Thankfulness and relief swept over me. Thank you, Universe.

But of course things aren't always straightforward. As of this writing, my boy still sits under the house, I being unable to coax him from his retreat. though I have spent an hour two times trying to cajole him while chasing the other cats away. I only hope hunger will cause him to come out, but at least he can see his brother and mom playing in the yard in front of him. I am hopeful.

More later.